Let’s be real when it comes to self-care single moms are not the best at it. Most of the time we are the first to get up in the morning and the last to fall asleep at night. Our days consist of constant servanthood meeting everyone’s needs but our own. However, this pattern is not a sustainable pattern of existence because at some point we run out of energy. If you have ever flown on an airplane you know that when they give the safety talk they always say to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you put it on your child. There is a reason for this. If you are passed out it’s harder for the child to put the mask on you and you are no help to anyone if you have passed out. Same in life if you are burned out and exhausted your children will not get the best version of you. I have found over the years a couple of keys for helping re-fill my bucket.
- Therapy– Self-Care for me is what we need as single parents to be able to thrive. I define self-care not as just going to the spa but also as helping work on the inside of yourself. So many times we are constantly fixing all the other little people’s emotional problems but we aren’t thinking about what we need as mommas to help us process emotions. It’s also good to have someone to bounce thoughts off of. I would highly recommend therapy as a way to get your bucket filled back up again. It’s a self-care must-have in your list of self-care tools. As you go through therapy it’s a great idea to keep a journal. Here’s one that helps with mental health.
2. Cup of Tea– The cup of tea is a symbol really for sitting down at some point with something hot in your hands and enjoying a moment. That moment can be everything. Take the time either in the morning, evening, or both to just sit and inhale steam from tea, coffee, or something warm. It helps to relax your mind and body bringing your cortisol levels down. Here’s a cute mug to start the tradition! The tea that I like that helps me relax is this. I enjoy relaxing with tea at night processing the day. Enjoy!
3. Baths– Are you a bath person? If you aren’t there are some great benefits for taking baths. Warm water has been used for many centuries to help relax people and can lower stress, blood pressure, and relax muscles. When you’ve had a particularly stressful day it’s a great to slip into a warm bath and just take a deep breath. If you are like me you might have to clean it first but it’s worth it! Here are some great Espom salts I love using!
4. Self-Education- Most of us want to be done with school after we have graduated but I’ve found that going on a self-education journey can be something that helps me deal with stress. When I pour into myself by learning about things that I find interesting it fills my bucket. There’s a great app that I love which is called Libby. It’s an app where you can rent books either audio or ebooks. I love putting on a good book when I’m cleaning the house or doing mundane chores. I’ve gone through so many books just cleaning my house learning about parenting, personal improvement, etc. It’s important to pour into yourself and challenge yourself by becoming more then you were before!
5. Exercise- I know that it can be hard sometimes to squeeze in exercise but if this isn’t a habit in your life already it really needs to be. It doesn’t have to be a long exercise and you don’t have to do it for endless hours a week but it’s important for your mental health. I chose to exercise because I was getting seasonal depression. When I started I wasn’t good at it at all but over time I got better and better. It helped me battle stress and depression and gain way more energy then I had in the past. Here’s a great exercise mat! Find a program or something that you will be able to maintain.
6. Breathing– I know this sounds a little strange but breathing correctly can help lower your stress and help you to relax. One of my favorite books that I’ve read is Breathe it’s been such a powerful book in learning about how we breathe and why it’s so important how we breathe. To do a quick lesson on how to breathe to help you relax. Breathe through your nose for a count of 3 and then exhale through your nose for a count of 7. Do this several times until you feel your whole body relax. This is a quick way to relax in the midst of a stressful moment that can bring you a moment of calm.
7. Budget- I know that this doesn’t sound like something that can bring you a stress free moment but it most assuredly can. When you know where your money is ow much you have to work with and how much you still need it can help bring down your stress. As a single parent finances can be some of the biggest challenges that we face however if we learn how to take care of our money and grow it well it can be a great source of comfort instead of pain. For a long time I would avoid looking at my finances because I was afraid of what I would see but in reality learning how money worked and how to manage it made me feel less stressed out and more in control. Here’s a great budgeting book to start out with.
8. Friends– One of the biggest sources of comfort and stress management is having friends to process life with. I know that as you get older it can be hard to make friends but finding a way to connect to other humans is really important in the process of parenting that you get that outside processing time. I’m a verbal processor and since I don’t have a partner to process with I find it hard when I’m alone. When you have friends that are around it’s great to process with them about life and they can help you see things in ways you never thought of before. Friendship is a great way to manage stress!
9. Boundaries– I know this sounds like strange way to manage stress but this will help you in more ways then you will know. The books Boundaries helped me so much in finding out where I was committing to things I had no time or energy for. This is a great way for you to know how to keep that annoying family member at bay or a very needy friend that takes all your energy instead of filling you up. Boundaries are so important in our lives because it keeps us safe and others safe as well. This can reduce your obligations by a ton. Help yourself by learning when it’s ok to say no.
10. Vacations– I know that when you are strapped for cash it can seem impossible to go on vacation but it’s important to set a time aside once a year at least to take your family on vacation. It doesn’t have to be far or a lot but it can really be a huge part of enjoying life and relaxing. You can get a tent and camp. Camping isn’t expensive and it’s a fun trip. You can also plan a staycation that’s going to give you what you need in regards to relaxing. I have an article here about planning a vacation as a single mom.
Which ever way you de-stress and relax I’d love to hear about it! Leave a comment below about the ways that you de-stress!
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