Going through a child custody dispute can be a stressful and emotional experience for any parent, but it can be particularly challenging for single moms. When you have children in the middle of the custody battle there can be a lot of emotional tolls that are taken throughout the process. Depending on the emotional maturity of your former partner and their mental state will depend on how smoothly the process can go. If you are dealing with an ex that is narcissistic or emotionally abusive this can hinder the process from being as smooth as it can possibly be. Here are some tips on how to handle child custody disputes as a single mom.
- Stay focused on your children’s best interests.
When you’re in the midst of a custody dispute, it’s easy to get caught up in your own emotions and desires. However, it’s important to stay focused on your children’s best interests. Ask yourself what custody arrangement would be best for your children, and work towards that goal. If your child is old enough to be in the middle of decision-making moments allow them to have a voice about what they are comfortable with and how they would like their interests to be represented. Children can take separation very hard so allow time to process their options and choices when possible. It’s important to give them as much control as they can have when their world feels out of control. Try and avoid using your child as a pawn between your ex and you.
- Keep communication open with your co-parent.
Communication with your co-parent is key to resolving custody disputes. Keep the lines of communication open and try to work together to come up with a custody arrangement that works for everyone involved. If you’re having trouble communicating with your co-parent, consider using a mediator or seeking professional help. If your ex is abusive in any way towards work with a therapist on the best tactics on how to communicate effectively. Stick to parenting topics and avoid personal information about yourself. Hold boundaries and always follow through with what you say you are going to do.
- Document everything.
Keep a record of all communication with your co-parent, as well as any important dates or events related to your children. This can be helpful if you need to go to court to resolve the custody dispute. Paperwork will build the story of what your ex agreed to or promised. Make sure to keep emails and text messages as they can also be used as a way to show intent. The more information you can have evidence about the better. Insist on written information as much as possible and on anything legal refer to your lawyers to handle all of the details.
- Follow court orders.
If you have a court order regarding custody, it’s important to follow it. Failing to follow court orders can result in legal consequences, including losing custody of your children. Your ability to follow the court orders will allow you to have a good standing with the judge. It’s important that you follow the orders to the letter of the law. This will also separate you from your ex if they fall behind in following the orders set by the court. Many times it can be hard to follow the court orders especially when you have an abusive ex as long as your child isn’t in immediate danger you will have to comply with the custody arrangements. Many times over time circumstances change and then custody arrangments can be revisited.
- Seek legal advice.
If you’re having trouble resolving a custody dispute with your co-parent, consider seeking legal advice from a family law attorney. An attorney can help you understand your legal rights and options and can represent you in court if necessary. If you have a contenscious ex having a lawyer will help to clear the lines of communication and it will put a buffer between you and your ex. In all legal matters its important to know your rights and to have all the paperwork offically filed correctly so that the judge has a clear picture of how to proceed with the ruling. Don’t try and do this process alone it helps to have an expert help you will the transition.
- Take care of yourself.
Going through a custody dispute can be emotionally and physically draining. Take care of yourself by eating well, getting enough sleep, and seeking support from friends and family. Consider seeking therapy or counseling to help you cope with the stress of the situation. Work on finding ways to rest and exercise to help release the stress and rejuvinate your body. Many times during stressfull times we can have short tempers and emotional responses work on finding ways to breathe through moments and decompress.
- Be patient.
Custody disputes can take time to resolve. Be patient and keep your focus on your children’s best interests. Remember that ultimately, the goal is to come up with a custody arrangement that works for everyone involved, especially your children. In the end, the goal is to have healthy whole children and to give them the best possible success in life. Think about helping them find what works best for them.
Handling child custody disputes as a single mom can be challenging, but by staying focused on your children’s best interests, communicating with your co-parent, documenting everything, following court orders, seeking legal advice, taking care of yourself, and being patient, you can work towards resolving the dispute and providing your children with the stability and support they need. Don’t forget to have patience for the process and give yourself a break when you are emotional. You got this momma!
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