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10 Tips for Becoming a Foster Parent!

10 Tips Before Becoming a Foster Parent. — This lesson may contain affiliate links. *Please read my disclosure for more info.*

Foster parenting can be a hard but rewarding job. I say job because it really is a lot of work but it is worth it in the end. Kids come into care broken, in pain, and confused most of the time. Their lives have been turned upside down and they are still developing so their capacity to understand what’s happening is very low depending on their age. Over the years I have discovered some tips and tricks that have helped me prepare to be the best foster parent I could possibly be for these children.

1- Do Research! It’s so important as a future foster parent that you do your research. I’ve been a foster parent in a couple of different cities and I can say that every place is different. Before I became a foster parent I didn’t know what to expect but I read articles and did my research. The biggest thing you have to decide is if you are going through the state or through an agency. I can’t emphasize enough how much I love to work with agencies. The perks are ginormous when it comes to the social workers. When you are working with some one in an agency you have someone who will advocate for you and can help with resources. They are a huge support for your placement. Make sure you talk with people working with different agencies and do your research into which one is the best one for you and your family. You will want to take notes with all the information you gain. Here’s a place you can do that!

2- What am I/we capable of taking? I think onw of the hardest decisions that have to be made by foster parents is what they realistically can handle. You do a disservice to yourself and the children if you get a child with behaviors you don’t know how to handle or a child with special needs you are not equiped for. Many foster parents will burn themselves out when they are not realistically prepared for what comes with care. If you only have a tiny room you can’t take 10 kids. Sit down with yourself or significant other and make a list of children that you would be prepared to handle. Answer the question at my most stressed out moment will I cause more trauma to a taumatized kid or do I have tools to be able to handle it? The last thing we want to do is to cause more trauma to a child who has already gone through so much. If you are thinking that won’t apply to me I’m planning on adopting a baby. I can tell you (since I adopted my daughter, who was a baby at the time) they still come with behaviors and issues you will need to be prepared to work with.

3- Analyze your living situation– One of the big things that social workers look at is your living conditions. Is this a safe place for children? Is there enough room for everyone? When you start your journey you need to look at what you are capable of handling. Many states will allow a baby to be in your bedroom but children of a certain age must have a seperate bedroom. They can share a room with another child but it must be seperate from the parents. Often times you will get offered sibling sets because they don’t want to seperate brothers and sisters. You need to know if you not only have the space but are willing to take on the challenge of having multiple siblings. It’s ok to know your limits and know what you can and can’t offer.

4- Read books on parenting and trauma– I am looking at my shelf right now and I can’t tell you how many books I have on parenting and trauma. I’ve read so much over the last 10 years and I know there is still more that I need to learn. I believe that more we are armed with tools to help these kiddos the better they have a chance to make a lasting change. First, I suggest work through your own pain because I can guarantee these kids will hit every pain point you have and will make you jump. A parenting book that has been so important to me has been Loving Your Kids on Purpose. This book works off of the Boundaries book which I really recommend you buy and keep for reference. When it comes to stories of kids and why they land in care The Lost Boy is such a powerful story of abuse. I often would think “If this kid was in my care how would I create a healing environment for him?” A book that forever changed the way I saw parenting a traumatized child was When Love is not Enough. It gives you some practical ideas when you have children who have high behavior needs. I could name so many books but these are such a good start. Make sure you are armed with good information and ideas before you bring a child into your home because they will be a very different child to parent then birth children.

5- Beds and Bedding- I know it seems like a no-brainer but I’ve heard of some foster parents not having any place for foster kids to sleep so they end up on the floor. Here’s the deal I always treat these kids as if they came from my body. If I wouldn’t do it for a biological child I for sure won’t do it for a foster kiddo. What I mean by this is that I’m going to take the time to buy a beautiful bed or crib for the child coming into my care. I am on purpose going to think about soft sheets and bedding so they sleep in comfort. I will spend the money and take the time to care for these children the way they deserve to be treated. These kids are not a payday they are human and deserve to be treated as such. Look at what you have on hand and depending on the age make bedding arrangements necessary for the child to sleep in comfort. Most foster children come into care having horrible sleeping experiences. They might have been sexually abused at night, not had a sanitary place to sleep, starving before sleep, or beaten before or during sleep. Nights can be scary and traumatizing make it as easy as possible. Walmart is a great place to get all that you need quickly!

6- Fire Extinguisher- Before you get a foster child you will have a list of so many things that you need to get and rules and requirements for a child to be in your home. One main one is a Fire Extinguisher. They are sometimes pricy depending on what you get but you should just go ahead and get one even before you start the journey. It’s something everyone needs anyway but it will for sure be on the list that the social worker goes through when inspecting your house for kids in care.

7- Padlocks and Toolboxes- I know what you are thinking…. why padlocks? Nope, you can’t use it to keep kids in their rooms but it is used to keep dangerous things away from the kids! One of the easiest things I did was get large a large plastic toolbox to put all of my dangerous meds, cleaners, and knives in. Then I just padlocked it shut. This fulfilled the requirements for the state on having all the dangerous things inaccessible to the children. It was a bit inconvenient when cooking dinner but it worked. I didn’t have to hunt everywhere for the items I needed I knew they were all in one place. These things are easy to get right away.

8-Soaps/ Shampoos/Lice Kit- Get ready for sometimes dirty kiddos. Depending on if they are coming from another foster home or directly from their birth parents it is always a good idea to have soaps and lice kits on hand. The reason why kids come dirty is mostly neglect. Even for birth children, there’s something about a bath that helps to relax and calm them. Sometimes children in care have had trauma around water. Make sure that when you are bathing them you take cues from them. If they are scared of water make it a game. Grab a soft wash cloth and do a washcloth bath with them in very shallow water or just having them stand by the tub. It might take several consistent tries before they are comfortable enough to step into the water. Here’s a three-in-one soap that is good! Also always a good idea to stock up on lice soap. This is mostly for older children but my 5-week-old daughter came to me with lice in her hair. I had to call the doctor about what to do because I couldn’t figure out what to do. Here are some great options for lice treatments. Make sure you treat it right away. I got lice from my daughter and it took a while to get it out.

9- Art tools- One thing I know about kids is that when they come into care they need to express what is happening to them. One great way is by art. Have on hand something for them to draw with like crayons and paper. For older teens, I always give them journals and pens when they first come into care until I can find out what they like more specifically to them. It’s so important that you give them a way to express themselves so that they can become comfortable with putting their emotions onto paper. I also love the fact that they get to draw and express themselves through art. It’s such a healing medium.

10- Snacks- Before kiddos come into your home I would invest in a box store membership. The reason why is that you will be feeding those kiddos and you will need so many snacks. Depending on their specific trauma their relationship with food may not be a healthy one. Either they were fed too little and in some cases were fed too much or not healthy options. These are all important things to know when you get a child in care because there will be a lot of tension around food times. Most foster kiddos I’ve gotten have not seen a vegetable that wasn’t canned or in its original form. When introducing foods don’t force foster kids into eating everything served to them. Help them acclimate by giving them things that are familiar and then slowly introducing new foods. I have a rule where they have to have at least one bite of something new to see if they like it. I also always say ” I never make yucky food ;)” This always makes them laugh. I always will have a pantry full of snacks and I let the kids choose whatever they want whenever they want at the beginning. Then we make gentle rules around food. Every situation is different so feel it out with your children.

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10 Ways to Make Your Foster Children Feel Welcome!

10 ways to make your foster kids feel welcome in your home.

This article may contain affiliate links. Please read my disclosure for more info.

Foster parenting can be a hard but rewarding job. I say job because it really is a lot of work but it is worth it in the end. Kids come into care broken, in pain, and confused most of the time. Their lives have been turned upside down and they are still developing so their capacity to understand what’s happening is very low depending on their age. Over the years I have found a few tips and tricks that can help children feel welcome and special when they first arrive at your house!

Smell– I know it sounds strange but it’s so important that the first thing the kid smells when they come into the house is something pleasant. I had a foster daughter one time who came into my house and said she had such a feeling of calm because I was diffusing lavender. She said her favorite foster mom up until then had put lavender on her pillow so she could sleep at night. Many of these children have been exposed to awful smells in their lifetime. Maybe it was the smell of cigarettes, drugs, feces, urine, or general filth. Having a good smell is so important! Here’s a diffuser I found that is great! I also recommend making sure that your house is somewhat clean. I know it’s hard to get it all done especially if it’s an emergency placement but it is important that the first impressions are ones that bring comfort.

Bathing Essentials– I remember when the social worker first handed me my 5-week-old daughter thinking how tiny she was and then the next thing I thought was are those bugs crawling in her hair?! Many kids that I know who come into care tend to have bathing issues. They come not clean, infested with lice or bedbug bites, or dirty clothing. All of these things can be very stressful for a child and if they aren’t used to having consistent cleansing routines they can become quite distressed. One way to help with this is to have a bathing cady ready to go. Depending on the age will depend on what you put in the caddy. Here’s a caddy I use even for my daughter it helps her keep her bathing items in one place since we have several people who take showers and she doesn’t want anyone using her things. You can keep these scrubbers on hand so you have a couple available. I try and assemble the caddy beforehand if I have enough time. If they don’t like an item or prefer something else we can change it later. Always give them that option because they probably had no control before and now is a time to give them a little control by giving them choices. For teens, I add a razor (if they are mentally stable talk with the social worker). Grab kids all in one soap container and bubbles. Here is an option for the all-in-one for kiddos. You can use that same soap for the bubble part. For teens, I usually grab these for the body soap and these for the shampoo and conditioner these smell so good, especially for girls! I know it can seem a bit pricey at first but it’s about them feeling valuable and worth it! Here’s something I found the boys like it’s all in one and you get a 2 pack it’s worth it! Make sure that you treat their lice right away and grab the kit ahead of time. I always have one stocked just in case. It can be a long process to get bugs out but it will make them so much more comfortable and even better they will not spread in your house! If they are scared to get into water start slow with the sink or a bucket. Help them by making them a part of the bathing process and make it fun! Water can be scary for them sometimes.

Clean Fresh Bedding– Depending on your set up this is so important! Once you get those kiddos clean you want to be able to give them a clean place to sleep. Most likely they have come from a traumatic environment where sleep or places to sleep were not a priority or had a lot of traumatic moments associated with it. When I had teen girls I would often take them to Target the second day I had them and let them pick out all of their own bedding as well as their own bath towels. I did this mainly because it gave them a sense of control and ownership. They have never had their own towel or sheet set before and it was so thrilling to see their face when they got to choose their own bedding. For many of the teens, I got them their own comforter as well to go with whatever decor they wanted their room to be in. Little kids don’t always need that control but I always made sure they had fresh sheets and a freshly made bed when they came into care. Here’s a simple set of sheets that are so comfortable! Also, I recommend with little kiddos you have a liner on the bed. Bedwetting is very common in foster kids. Along with fresh bedding, I love to add their own soft fuzzy blanket. There is something about a soft blanket that brings comfort. With littles, you can ask them what their favorite characters are and get the blankets that have that character on them. Here’s a fun one for little girls. This one is more for boys and it glows in the dark! Some of the children will come with a blanket that was given to them by their birth family. Make sure you treat that with a lot of care. Foster kids are very attached to objects from their birth family.

Food/Snacks/Drinks– Food is a big deal with foster kids. Many of them haave been starved or have had trauma around food. Hording of food can often happen with kids newly in care. Because they didn’t have access to food they had to steal it and hide it. That habit is not easily broken and restricting access to food will not break them of that habit. You have to slowly retrain them that they will have consistent food. Meals will be served on a regular basis and they can have access to food whenever they need it. Every situation is different but I’ve heard of foster parents locking their fridges or pantries at night. I don’t think that this approach is good because it re-enforces the reality that they don’t have access to food when they want or need it. When kids first come into care I have a basket of snacks and drinks available. I don’t do any dark sodas but I will put gatorade or sprite in their snack basket. I will show them the pantry where all of the snacks are and I tell them they are allowed to have as much as they want. Over time I will slowly retrain them because the meals will be consistant so their stomachs will be consistantly full they won’t need so many snacks. Here’s a great variety pack that can give you a lot of options on what to put in their snack basket!

Suitcases/Bins– One of the main things I see that makes me so sad for foster kids is that they usually have to haul their belongings in trash bags. I really believe this sends the message that they are like trash to be tossed out. It’s a very strong visual message when you see a kid show up at your door with all their things in trash bags so as soon as I can I spend money on getting them either suitcases or bins. I prefer suitcases especially for teen girls but I’ve bought bins for littler kids in my care so when they leave they have all their toys , books, and clothing organized. Here are some bins with lids that are great! I know that suitcases can get expensive but it will last them so long and most likely no other foster parent will think about it. Here’s one that is very well made and just basic. You can decide if you want to have them pick out one with you or if you will do it for them. If they are older I would either take them to TJ Max or Amazon. Again giving them choices is part of their healing journey!

Photo album– When my daughter came into care she came with a couple pictures. I’ve seen some kids come into care with loose photos and over their transistions they can get torn or destroyed. These pictures are all the memories or momentos that they have from their past. Its a pretty big deal for them to keep them in good shape. Also whether you have them for a short time or a long time make sure that you take pictures. Have them printed out regularly. They won’t have a parent posting on Facebook or Instagram so they won’t have the memories to look back on. Here’s a great option for them it’s simple enough for them to put pictures in and take them out. They won’t always have the option to capture their childhood memories so you have to be intentional for them.

Waterbottle– This goes for not just children in care but any child at all their access to water is very important. For little kids its so important to always have clean water around because they often forget they are thristy and then when their body finally reminds them its an immediate need. Here are some options for little kid water bottles with fun graphics. If you have ever been at someones house especially if you don’t know them it can be akward to ask them for something like water. Imagine a foster kid who has been traumatized by adults in their world and they are now in a house they don’t know and with people they have never met. It can be very intimidating to ask for what you need that is why its the responsability of the foster parent to anticipate their needs and act on it. For example have their water bottle ready to go for them when they get to your house. Show them where they can fill it up or tell them they can just ask you if they need water. Don’t ever act bothered when they express a need this is important in showing them that they are worth it! For teenagers here are some options for water bottles. If kids who come into your care aren’t use to drinking water encourage them little by little to take a sip here and there. Don’t create a negative experience around drinking water because their body needs it!

Coloring Pages/Crayons/Journals/Pens– One important thing that therapists use with kids in trauma is art. It can be away for them to express what has happened with them without having to put it into words. I find that giving kids something to color with or teenagers journals not only helps their creativity but its a theraputic tool thats easy to have in the home. Here is a good set of crayons and you get two boxes so you can have one on hand for your next placement. Often I have blank printer paper for little kiddos available but if you don’t want all their art all over the house here’s a pad where they can just keep it organized. Often times what I see with teens is that they really prefer journaling. Here’s a great simple journal with a wonderful saying on the front. There’s a great saying on the front to remind them that they can survive whats happening in their world. I don’t know too many teens who don’t love a good gel pen. These are a great addition to their journal. Many of these I pre-stock so that they are available when I have last minute placements. It helps kids feel they have been thought about before they arrive.

Fuzzy Socks/Slippers– Having comfortable in house footwear I find brings a lot of comfort to kids. They most likely have never in their life owned a pair of slippers and no one has thought about fuzzy soft socks for them. If they even have regular socks its a miracle. Hands down my favorite slippers are these. I have bought them for my sisters, daughter, and I have 2 pair myself. These are great for pre-teen or teen girls. Have them choose the color they want it will be a great bonding moment. For teen boys these are great! For little kiddos I often will do fuzzy socks because lets be real they won’t keep slippers on their feet. Here is a great pack of socks for both boys and girls! When kids come into care I sometimes will put a little lavender on their feet with the fuzzy socks to help them go to sleep. Often anything you can do to facilitate sleep is important.

Hair brushes– Many kids, especially girls, who come into care have a hard time dealing with their hair. Sometimes, as mentioned above, they have lice or their hair is matted, dirty, or unkempt. Having them have a good brush is important. I try and get the kind that is gentle on tangles and is easy to use on difficult hair. I have yet to see a kid come into my care with their own hair brush it seems like a little thing but it is a big deal. Taking pride in your appearance is imporant and for most foster kids they haven’t been able to do that in the past. Here’s a great set that works well with tangles. If your child has a different texture with more curls this set works great! If you don’t know how to work with different textured hair from your own I suggest do some research or ask those around you. When a child comes to you with tangled and matted hair be gentle and start from the bottom. It might take you a few goes before you get it all but thats ok. Detangle spray is your best friend for sure! Don’t be afraid to use as much as you need initially.

More than anything it’s so great to make kiddos feel comforted and at peace when they are in your home. They have come from chaos and trauma and now need some time to heal. Make your home a place of healing for them! Let me know some of the things that have worked for you in the past I would love to hear your thoughts!

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10 Tips for Traveling Abroad as a Single Parent!

This article may contain affiliate links. Please read my disclosure for more info.

If you have a travel bug like me you dream about taking an out-of-country vacation! As a single parent, it’s not always easy to fulfill that dream. Whether you share custody or are the only full-time parent it’s hard to come up with all the details that are needed in traveling to not only be successful but have a safe trip as well.

Depending on your budget, the age of your child, and the location you want to visit will dictate all the information you need to gather before going ahead with travel plans. Several years ago I decided that I would move out of the country to see my family in South America for an extended period of time also so I could save up money while I worked online teaching. It was a great learning experience for me. Here are a few things I learned along the way.

1. Tickets: Make sure you book your tickets with the ability to back out in case of an emergency. Always have a backup plan in place in case your child gets sick or there’s something that goes wrong. I usually have all my planes booked online so I can access them through my phone. Most of the airports will have Wifi so even if your phone doesn’t have an international plan you can access the information you need. I also have a print copy just in case. I love booking.com because it’s all on my phone. This way I’m able to access the information I need right away.

2. Passports/Money: One of the biggest things that you need to keep track of is your Passports, tickets, and money. Depending on where you are going you may need to make an exchange to the country’s currency. You can do this ahead of time in the US if you want but make sure to look at rates online ahead of time to make sure the rates where you live are cheaper or the same inside the country. If it’s cheaper in the country you can do an exchange at the airports. If I have cash on me I put it in several places. Don’t carry your cash all in one place. Depending on what country you go you can be an easy target for pickpockets or even stick-up thieves. I often use one of these holders underneath my clothing. When you are going to and from the borders you can get the passports out ahead of time to make it easy but I stick some of my cash in there as well. It’s harder to see than a purse or a wallet and it’s a lot harder to get to.

3. Food/ Water: When you are traveling with a child, especially you need to have snacks and water on hand all the time. If you are like me you don’t want to spend a ton of money at the airport because they jack up the prices so high. What I usually do is at the beginning of the journey I pack an empty water bottle in my carry-on. I will pack a bunch of snacks as well make sure your kid likes the snacks you pack or you will be hearing it all the way lol. I don’t like the collapsable water bottles because they tend to leak everywhere so here’s one that’s great! You need one that’s sturdy so it can take a beating. Most likely at the first airport, you are at they have a Starbucks where you can ask for Venti water (it’s always triple filtered) and fill your water there! It’s a great trick I learned over the years.

4. Entertainment: As an adult, we can entertain ourselves for endless hours by reading books or watching TV but kids get bored easily waiting for planes or on planes. Here are some ideas for entertainment. Coloring is a great way to keep kids entertained here’s an amazing pack that will keep kids busy for a while. The crayons are the tricky part. You don’t want to have them rolling all over the place so here’s a box of crayons that will be easy to keep in one place. I love my apple products however when traveling overseas I try to keep electronics more to the cheaper side, especially for kids in case they lose it or it gets stolen it won’t be a big deal. I used this overseas and it worked great to have games on and keep my kiddo entertained for a bit. Another thing I like to do especially for really little kids has wrapped 5 or 6 small gifts like small toys or fidgets then when they are having meltdowns I like to distract them by having them open a present. Here is a fidget pack that’s great and if you pull these out one at a time are perfect for distraction!

5. Accommodations/ Transportation– It is so important that before you leave you know where you are going to be staying and how to get there. Not only is it important because you don’t want to end up on the streets but you will be exhausted traveling and managing your child you need to have it all set up ahead of time and I would say have a backup just in case. I always try and spring for the extra insurance or cancel a plan for any airlines or hotel accommodations just because you don’t want to get stuck when plans change paying a bill you don’t need to. You can go through booking.com or you can do AIR B&B. I’ve done both and have found some good places. I would say that you need to look ahead of time if they have buses, taxis, or rental cars. If they have buses they are usually easier to use than in the US. Do research in the particular area you are staying so that you can make sure that you have a way to get around and know how to do that.

6. Travel Insurance– It’s really important that when you are traveling abroad you have a way to protect yourself and your child in case something major happens. Hopefully, this will not be the case but it’s always important to have some backup. Do your research on what you think would be the best policy that would cover you and your child while you travel. Some companies offer different benefits, make sure it’s the best fit for your situation.

7. Cultures/ Laws/ Traditions- Make sure that before you leave you are aware of any cultural traditions, laws, and traditions in the country you are visiting. This is important because you don’t want to get into trouble for something you aren’t aware is even a problem. If you are a woman traveling alone with a child it is even more important that you are informed of all the laws of the land. When I was in South America with my daughter I wasn’t aware that people didn’t have any trust in the police. One night I heard a bang on my door at 2 am and it was a policeman looking for someone. I opened the door to them. Later I was told that is the most dangerous thing you could do because they were so corrupt they could have hurt us. These are very important things that you need to be aware of. If you want to know a lot about a place find a taxi driver who is not only honest but knows the area well they usually are a great source of information. Here’s a fun book to read about preparing to travel and the adventure that awaits!

8. Famous Sights– If you are planning on going sightseeing with your child make sure you do some research ahead of time. Find out the times that the attractions or sights are open and if you have a fee for entry. Usually, I like to find a time when it’s not as busy so you aren’t contending with a large crowd. This can also be a safety issue when you have a child with you. Make sure on any outing that they are holding your hand or with you at all times depending on old they are. Never let them go off by themselves this is another safety tip, especially for single parents. Here’s a book of famous places you may want to check out while traveling!

9. Phone Service– Depending on your phone plan you may not be able to get international calling however with wifi you should be able to access all the information you would need to communicate. Make sure that before you leave you have a way to contact back home. This is important because just in case you don’t have a calling plan you could end up with a huge bill or not be able to use the phone at all. When I was in South America I got lost and I was able to call my sister in the States to help me out with the information I needed to get me to where I needed to be. I got a local service because I was staying there for an extended period of time however if you are just visiting for a short time talk with your carrier to see if they have deals for you.

10. Embassy Information– If you are traveling out of your country check to see if where you are traveling has an embassy from your country. It is another safety net for you while you travel also they will have some good information for you on health requirements or possible dangers you might face. Know where your embassy is and have all the information handy so that you can contact them in case of an emergency. They are there to help you while you are visiting.

Most of all have fun! It’s so exciting to get to share experiences with your child. I believe in travel to expand my child’s capacity to be a part of the global community. It’s important that we experience what it’s like in other countries and how other people live their daily lives! Enjoy your travels!

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How to Find Your Community as a Single Mom

This article may contain affiliate links. Please read my disclosure for more info.

Let us be real being a single mom isn’t easy! It’s full of so many different moments of ups and downs and many scary moments. I recently had a health scare that put me in surgery twice and off of work for several months. At that time if I didn’t have people around me to help me I don’t know what I would have done. I started to think about how many single mothers don’t have time, energy, or resources to build a community around them. Usually, we are working from sun up to sun down 7 days a week just to survive. No one can tell us we aren’t hard workers.

How do you find your community as a single mom? Well here are a few ideas that I thought might help you along the way:

1. Church community– If you are a person of faith a huge supporter over the years has been people I have met in my church community. It cant be hard if you live in a judgmental church community that question how you became a single mother however for the most part depending on your community of faith often times they will have programs that help support single motherhood.

2. MOPS– If you have never heard of MOPS it’s basically a support group for mothers. It’s basically for preschool-age mothers but depending on your leader they may allow smaller littles in the group. Check your local listings to find a group near you. There usually is a way to connect with a local MOPS group and meet up. These are places for you to be able to find other moms in the same season as you and is a great support moving forward into parenthood.

3. YMCA– Another great resource is the YMCA. They usually have daycare while you work out for your kids. Join a class and not only work out but also get connected with other women in the group. Friendships take time to develop as adults with our busy schedules and things we have to do so take your time and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

4. School– When your kids get into school it’s a great time to get involved if you can. I know its hard when you don’t have free time during the day but if you can make the effort in getting into your child’s school and try and make friends with other parents. This is also a safety issue when it comes to playdates and spend the night parties.

5. Family– This is such a big one for me. Not always are our families there for us but when you have good family members try and make sure that you are giving as much as you are receiving. Many times we can use the family around us without thinking about the cost to them. Make sure that you are aware of the time you are spending with them and help is a two-way street.

Overall the support of our family and friends is vital for our success as single parents. We must make sure that our village is made up of good strong people. The problem comes into place when we don’t have a support network around us and we have an emergency. In an instant, everything can change. I broke my ankle and was never able to climb the stairs to my condo again. Luckily my family stepped in and did what needed to be done to sell it. There is no way I could have made it without them. You too can do it with the right community!

Here’s a book that’s so encouraging for single moms! You got this!

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How to Plan a Vacation as a Single Mom

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We all love vacations but they can be hard to organize when you are a single mother. Not only do you have the stress of finances but you also have to pack, plan, and think about all the dangers in between. My daughter and I love to travel. I’m not always able to travel the way I want but we figure out ways to get out and about especially during the summer when she’s out of school.

I love to go to places that we have never been before because it helps to expand her horizons and broadens her knowledge of the world. A couple of years ago we decided to do a trip around the US. We started in Michigan and drove south. Here are some things I’ve learned along the way!

First, have a plan for your budget, places you want to visit, and packed items that you will need. I looked at my budget and made sure that I was able to do what I wanted to do. Then I looked at a map and decided where I wanted to go. This was important later because then we could go back and see all the places that we had traveled. Then I made a list of all the things that I needed to pack for my trip. This part can be exhausting but it’s so important because you want to capture everything you might forget.

Second, book your air travel or like me have your car checked over before you leave. It’s important that however you travel that you get there safely. For me, it’s so important that you get AAA. The reason you need this is you never know what will happen along the way and you need to be able to get help quickly and safely. If you are flying I recommend you don’t book without being able to get your money back if something arises. You never know if your kiddo could get sick last minute or something may come up.

Third, is accommodations. I love this website and app for all my hotel needs. I usually just check in with the app and it’s super easy to book and have access to all the information. With our trip around the US, I made sure we had a schedule and made sure we had a place to stay at the end of each night. Luckily we had some friends along the way so it worked out really well.

Fourth, find historic, or famous places to visit along the way! I love visiting all the historic sites we can. We never really stayed in one place too long but it was enough to snap a photo along the way. This helps to put all the things my daughter is learning in the classroom into effect. She got to see the Mississippi, the Grand Canyon, and the Rocky Mountains! I love road tripping because you can see so much of the country along the way. The United States has a lot of different terrains and we got to see the vegetation of the deep south and the deserts of the west. On some of the days, we found back roads through little towns in America and got to see some farmers with their long-horned cattle!

Fifth, and for me most important is finding the food along the way. What’s so fun about a road trip is that you can experience different food stops along the way that are typical to that area. My daughter and I are foodies so we love to go exploring little holes in the wall. Here’s a blog that lists the 100 best restaurants in the US according to Yelp. You can also do your own research to discover what particular restaurant or cafe is good in the area you are visiting. Here’s a guide to the best things to do in each state.

The most important thing that you need to do on a road trip is to have fun! Enjoy your road trip with important moments of connection with your child. Get lots of road trip snacks and take tons of pictures. These are the moments you will never forget for the rest of your life!

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How to Teach Kids How to Make Healthy Friends

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It is never an easy conversation when your child comes to you because their friend has betrayed them. Here are some tips I’ve told my daughter over the years on how to find and make good quality friends.

As grown adults, we know that you don’t always get along with everyone that’s just not possible. We all have different personality types and family cultures so we don’t connect with every person that we meet and that’s just fine. The same goes for children. We don’t need to force them to be friends with kids they don’t connect with.

My daughter has over the years had many different types of friends. Usually, as a younger kid, she didn’t know how to connect with children her age because she was a bit aggressive so we worked on how to be kind to our friends. Like attracts like. She was attracting more aggressive kids into her world because she too was aggressive.

Years later and now approaching middle school her friends are very different. She was attracting friends who didn’t know how to say “no” to the bully and they just went along with whatever the leader in their group said. This didn’t work for me. Boundaries are so important to teach at this age because later down the line this will be something that may save their lives.

My daughter had a friend who was always saying mean things to her and her other friends. She was bossy and controlling and never gave anything in the relationships with the other girls. Her behavior screamed of entitlement and narcissism. What was I to do? My daughter started to change at home. She got very snarky and became more demanding. I knew it was the influence of her friend.

I sat down and talked to her about how her friend was making her feel and she said that she made fun of her, made her do things she didn’t want, and never owned up to her mistakes. These are all very strong warning flags to me. So instead of telling her, you can’t be friends with her I took the opportunity to say what do you want to do about it? She said, ” She’s the most popular girl mom I can’t do anything!” Right there I knew I had a problem because not only did my daughter start feeling like a victim to this friend her voice and choice was being shut down so I helped her learn a few things

First, always choose a friend who will listen to your concerns and care about what you care about. Use your voice to stand up for yourself and say “no” when they are in the wrong. Never let someone steal your voice from you because your opinions and desires are important as long as you are also listening to their voice.

Second, set down boundaries, and if they don’t listen follow through. This was so hard for her to do because she tried to set down boundaries and this girl would just run right over them so I eventually had to step in and stop it. The practice of setting a boundary when you are young will be a skill for the rest of her life. Eventually, her boundary was she no longer interacted with this girl and she made the choice to distance herself.

Third, picture the journey down the road with your friend. When I was talking to my daughter about the friend she had I said think about being friends with her in 5 years when you can drive and you have access to things that you don’t now. She’s already getting you into trouble now and saying she didn’t have anything to do with it what will happen when you are a teenager? Stay curious as a parent. Ask questions that will make them think.

Fourth, are we having fun? Pretty much the entire time my daughter was friends with this girl they fought all the time. There was so much drama and I almost lost my mind. My daughter was constantly coming up to me “she did this or said that”. The drama was endless. Practice peace in your life. I told her to have friends who are fun and full of peace or she will be living in their drama forever.

Fifth, choose friends who challenge you to be a better person. It’s important that a friend helps you to be a better person. I pointed out a friend my child brought over recently and said you need to be friends with her. She was polite and kind. She didn’t demand anything from me. She was thoughtful and helped clean up. These are the friends I want in my child’s life.

When you set your children up for success they will build lifelong friendships with people who will shape their future. In school, they aren’t taught people or friendship skills unfortunately however you can train them at home how to find and keep healthy friends. Remember these important skills will help keep the bullies out of their lives and bring in the friends that will help them build a bright future!

P.S. A book that I have found so helpful in learning boundaries and communicating those boundaries is this book! Check it out it’s so important to teach our children while they are young how to have healthy boundaries!

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10 Fun Single Mommy and Me Date Ideas

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I love to take my daughter on Mommy and Me dates. It’s a time that we can spend on purpose focusing on building memories and having fun. During these focused times, she is more likely to open up to me about what is going on in her life. I take this opportunity to impart wisdom, listen, and help her work through some of the questions or relational problems she may have. I love to spend time with my daughter and yet when I’m busy with life I find it’s hard to naturally squeeze moments in so I choose to intentionally make the time to pour into our relationship. I hope these ideas help you in your relational journey with your child!

1) Dinner and a Movie!

My daughter loves to go to the movie theater. To be honest we go quite frequently because she loves this activity so much. Because mostly you don’t talk through a movie I wanted to find a way to make this activity more connective so I landed on taking her out to eat ahead of time. I’m a bit of a foodie so I love to explore new restaurants in the area. We will choose a day and make a date out of it. This is also a way to expose your child/children to new and different foods. I value my daughter experiencing the way other cultures eat as well as getting exposed to foods she’s not used to. During dinner, I will ask her about her day and how she’s doing if I run out of ideas I got these cards from Amazon that work great! I usually have great conversations during dinner and then after the movie, we talk about what the movie meant to us or what kind of lesson we learned from it.

2) Roller Skating Rink!

I can hear you saying but… I don’t skate! It’s ok we can all learn new things. I use to roller skate a lot as a little kid. This activity not only keeps you active but can create an opportunity for you to teach your child a new skill. There’s something nostalgic about a skating rink. They usually serve food and have other games available to play. Play is such a great way to connect with your child when you want to bond with them. If you make this an every month thing you can invest in your own skates as well! These are such a cute pair! Depending on where you live you can have your child practice ahead of time. Usually, after going to the skating rink my daughter loves to roller skate down the road and begs me to take her again!

3) Bowling!

Bowling is a classic activity that many people do at least once in their lifetime. I remember learning how to bowl when I was in school. The bowling class that I took really helped me learn how to aim correctly and really it’s just such a fun activity for all ages. If you have a smaller child you can request that they put up the bumpers so your child learns how to keep it in the middle. Part of the fun of bowling is learning about achievement and camaraderie. Try and choose a time that is less crowded so you can talk with your child about how to play the game and the rules specific to bowling. Special moments will happen as you play the game and those memories will last a lifetime! If you start getting really serious about bowling a fun addition is to get your kid their own bowling ball. Here’s one with different sizes and colors to choose from!

3) Shopping!

This is one of my favorite activities to do with my daughter. If you have a son you can make this activity fun with a couple of fun games. I use these trips not just to bond with my daughter but also get all the things that we may need. Usually, I love to shop at Target but the mall is also a very fun place to go. Many times while we shop we talk about different styles that she likes or doesn’t. I find that meeting her needs by shopping with her brings a deeper connection to our relationship! With little kids, you can have scavenger hunt games that help to break up the trip. For example, you could have them look for items that are all blue. Have them name as many blue things and at the end, they get to pick out one blue toy. This helps them to stay occupied and it can be an opportunity to expose them to items in a store they never thought of or knew about before. Here’s something I found on Pinterest you can p rin t out that’s fun!

4) Board Game Night!

On those cold and rainy evenings in the fall and winter, board games are a great way to spend time with your kids! I love to teach my daughter a new game or train her how to lose with dignity. I’m not really competitive but it is a fun way to teach how to be a good game player. We have several games that are our favorite. One of my favorite games of all time is Clue! I think it’s pretty easy for kiddos to understand and it’s a classic. Another game that we like to play is Qwirkle. I like this game because it’s all about colors and shapes and really helps build strategy. Leave me a comment below telling me what kind of games you like to play with your kiddos!

6) Taking a walk in the park or going for a hike!

I remember taking my daughter for so many hikes over the years. We would explore mountains and wade through steams. It was such a fun time just to be in nature. There’s something about the fresh air that can bring such a sense of energy and peace back into your world. With little kids exploring nature is so important. It’s so much a part of their learning process and being able to identify plants and animals can be a great learning experience. Here’s a great book for kids who want to be able to identify animals and plants. We also would have so much fun swimming in streams and finding rock treasures along the way. Encourage your child to be a collector of nature they find fun (as long as they keep it outside :).

7) Visiting an Art Gallery or Museum!

My daughter has always loved to draw since she was very young. I always have encouraged her art abilities through painting with her or helping her with materials for her art. Another great way to spend quality time with your child is to find an art gallery or museum where they can learn about all sorts of things that aren’t in their everyday world. Most recently my daughter and I visited the Henry Ford museum and learned all about the Civil Rights Movement it was a great moment to talk about slavery and oppression. We also walked through many different places where art is hung and discussed what we felt when we saw the painting. These moments help not only expand their interests but also connect us to them in a different way.

8) Go to a Local Fair or Circus!

This can get expensive so you should plan ahead of time but usually in the spring and summer you have local fairs and circuses coming through town. Have a time where you get to investigate the local traveling fair. Remember I said that play is an important way to connect? Well, it’s true. Most of the time if you are like me I can get into a serious space very often because of the stress of life. When you are sharing a fun experience your kids get to see another side of you they may have never seen before. It’s important to connect with your kids when you are having a fun time so that they don’t feel like you are mad all the time. Make sure that you collect pictures and memories your kids will hang on to for the rest of their lives. I have a photo/scrapbook album that I have kept our memories in. I didn’t go all out just jotted a few things down. Here’s something that would be great for a child to keep their memories in. Just remember to have fun!

9) Summer Icecream Date!

Summer is one of my favorite times to make memories. Really every season has its moments to make memories but in the summer there’s something about the smell of chlorine and sunscreen that makes me happy. If you are anything like me summer can be a stressful time for single moms trying to figure out what to do with their kiddos during the day while they are earning a living. Many times it was babysitters or stay-at-home moms that would help me with my kiddo. As she got older I was able to work from home and it would make our summers full of adventure. In our city, we have a special ice cream stand that opens for the summer. We love to go after dinner or even after a swim time and sit down outside for a little ice cream. This is a great time to talk about a little life update or hear their silly swimming stories. These moments of ice cream memories will always be in a special place in both of our hearts.

10) Fun Art Project Date!

You can get so caught up in life that you forget to give your crafty artistic side an avenue to express itself. I love having some projects that promote creativity however it can’t be too complicated. I went to Hobby Lobby one time and got these cute crafting kits for my daughter and niece. It turned out to be so complicated I spent 8 hours on each project by myself the kids peaced out very quickly. Lesson learned for me. Some of the easier crafts we have done are slime, paint by numbers, or shrinky dinks. There are hundreds of ideas online but these are some of our favorites! Make sure that you plan this ahead of time and choose a craft that isn’t something that will stress you out. Create memories of fun and joy through crafting!

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10 Ideas for Kids Who are Down Right Picky Eaters

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Mealtime for parents can be one of the trickiest things for kids. I have over the years done many things to get my kid to eat the food I provide for her. Depending on the age of the kid also depends determines what technique is used. I’ve literally tried everything to get my kid to eat a healthy meal over the years so here are some things that I think can help along the way!

1) Make a plan with them. I usually sit down on Saturday and plan out the dinners for the week. I will incorporate the kids who live in my house at the time with suggestions. I gently remind them of healthy things that they like or things that will bring balance besides pizza all the time. Have them make the meal plan with you. Here’s a great way to stay organized for meal plans! Also if you sign up for my newsletter I give you a free month-long meal plan with kid-friendly foods and a way to write down your shopping list for the week.

2) Teach them to cook with you! I will say with this one my daughter was so little and I always made her a part of my cooking adventures. I made Saturday mornings our special big breakfast days and had her there right with me teaching her how to cook. Getting involved with the cooking helps kids to feel empowered to understand how food works. This does take time but it’s worth it in the end. Over the years my daughter has fallen in love with the process of cooking and helps me especially when I’m baking for birthdays!

3) Food can be very boring so why not make it fun! Sometimes when we serve our kids we are so tired at the end of the night or we just don’t want to be creative it can be hard to think of things. Here are some cute cookie cutters you can use to make fun shapes from the food! You can use it on sandwhiches, veggies, or fruit. You can have them have a race to eat a food they may not like. When my daughter was 2 I wanted to have her eat rasberries. She refused to eat them so I put one rasberry on each finger and challenged her to a race. I made it such a silly game to this day she loves to eat rasberries.

4) Food exposure is a huge thing for kids. When my daughter was very young I would on purpose take her to different restraunts. I’m a bit of a foodie myself so even though I didn’t have a huge budget at the time I would find ways to expose her to different kinds of foods from different cultures. We would go to Japanese, Mexican, Thai, Chinese, or Mongolian. I would take every opportunity to just get her around different tastes and smells. She would mainly get rice but I would let her have a tast of what I ordered and it helped her build a pallet that was a little bit more expanded. We when moved out of the country for a few months I had her try as many local dishes as I could so she could build a connection to the people around her. There were things she liked and things she didn’t like but at least she had tried it.

5) Try a bite rule. I have a try a bite rule. Basically if I cook a new food and the kids have never eaten it before whether it’s my daughter or my neices and nephews I tell them to have one big bite and if they don’t like it they don’t have to eat it. I also say to them I don’t make yucky food. I only make yummy food. Sometimes it’s the way we talk about food that can put someone off from it. For example if one of the older kids at the table says they don’t like it then the younger kids automatically say ooo I don’t like it either even if they haven’t tried it. I say that’s impossible I don’t make yucky food 🙂 I’ve convienced many a 4 year old to try something that was new this way. Usually the continual exposure helps them to create a positive association with food. When they are young enough to start solids I try and start with veggies and then work my way to fruits. Then with toddlers even if you just put the food on their plate and they feel it and smell it it helps with the over all connection with food. I have met many toddlers who are pretty stubborn about food but it’s ok. When language develops enough in your child you will be able to put stronger boundaries around food expectations.

6) Grow some food. In my dreams I’m a farmer with a beautiful garden however in real like I don’t have time to learn all the ends and out of having a garden just yet. Someday though I’m determined to gardern once again. I use to have a small garden when my daughter was young but it got killed off by slugs pretty quickly. Since then we have been in small condos or houses with no room for gardens. However I have done some potted tomatos over the years I’ve also tried a cucumber or two. All that to say it doesn’t have to grow huge amounts of food to be effective. Take a pot or two and help your kids learn where food comes from. Have them plant tomatos or cucumbers in the summer. This will take some of the mystery out of where food comes from. Also usually kids get excited about picking and tasting the veggies they grow. Here are some cute garden items to start an herb garden. With an herb garden kids can explore different flavors and you can teach them why we use herbs in cooking!

8) Buying the groceries! I think the funnest trips to the grocery store where when my daughter insited on writing out the grocery list. She was so invested in going through the list and making sure we had all the food we needed for the week. Her excitement about going to find all the items like a teasure hunt was infectious. When she was too little to write I had her draw the different things that were on our list. Later she got good at writing out the words and she would be the one that was in charge of marking off the items on the list. This helped her be invested in creating a positive connection to what we bought. I would always make sure we had veggies and fruits on the list and she was in charge of picking them out. I taught her how to pick the best fruits and vegtables out. She loved it and it helped later when I was making dinner to point out all the things that she had helped me pick out. Here is a cute book I found for toddlers to help make their experience more fun!

9) Choosing the recipe! I love pinterest so much for all my recipe needs. Often times I will tell my daughter to look up recipes and see if there’s anything that looks good to her so we can make it. From start to finish I have her gather all the ingedients and we prepare it together. She learns how to read measurements and becomes invested in the taste. I only cook yummy food so if we don’t like how it turns out I will ask her what we can do to make it a bit more tasty. She has also helped me cook some of my family favorites like my moms famous burritos here’s the recipe. I’m not only passing down my love of cooking but getting her invested in how it tastes. This motivates her to eat what shes made.

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5 Boundaries to Have Around Family Time

5 Boundaries to Create Around Family Time

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Do you ever wonder why sometimes you get frustrated when you are spending time with your family and it doesn’t go the way you pictured it in your head? I know I do! I usually think of all these things I want to do and all these memories I want to create and it never quite turns out the way I thought about it going in my head.

Let’s talk about boundaries. Boundaries are a great way for us to help protect our time. It means we value what we are protecting and that is the time that we are spending with our family. Time is a precious resource and we can never get it back no matter how much money we have. Our family deserves our attention and energy.

Devices can distract from the most important things in front of you!

No Distractions – Distractions are the main reason why people feel so disconnected. There are so many things that are grabbing our attention today mainly the phone. When we have the phone in our hands we are not paying attention to the people around us and we can give off the impression that they are not worth our time or energy. Children feel this especially because their need for your attention helps them create and build self-confidence and this will play out later on in their lives. Have a rule during family time that the phones or devices take a time out until you are finished with your activity. It doesn’t have to be a long time but enough that each kid feels your attention. This is such a cute idea on where to store your devices during family time!

Planned activities– I love being spontaneous but sometimes when you have kids especially if they are little being spontaneous can end up in disaster. Who hasn’t forgotten to pack the diapers on what you thought was a short trip but ended up being well… not!🙋🏻‍♀️ Yup! Been there done that. Planning for fun may seem tedious but it lends itself to less stress. Think of the activity you want to have with your kids and then plan for all the things that may or may not be needed. Aka… always I mean always have a large pack of wipes on hand for any disaster. Here’s a great book that has some fun ideas for your family!

Fill My Bucket People Only– You know you have that one family member who is always harping on about how the world is going to end tomorrow? Do they fill your bucket? When you are trying to connect with your children or spouse make sure that you are protecting your time, space, and energy by not including people (yes even in your family) who would steal your time, space, or energy. You don’t need to be arguing with Aunt Betty while your little Johnny is crying for you to push him on the swing. Protect your family time that way you can come back to Aunt Betty with energy and give her your full attention when it’s appropriate. If you have a hard time telling Aunt Betty no here’s a great book on boundaries.

Play with Purpose- When my daughter was little I focused a lot of playtime on building fine motor skills as well as social interactions with others. Now that my daughter is older I will use the one-on-one time that we have to talk about deeper heart issues or talk about goals she may want to have for her future. Allowing for the purpose to drive play doesn’t only create great memories but it brings in a rich learning and bonding experience for all those who are in the family. When you play on purpose it gives the moment a long-lasting effect. Here is a fine motor skill game that would be fun!

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Easiest and Best Mommas Burritos Ever Cooked!

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Quick Easy burrito recipe!

Hey mommas! I know you’re tired and you are just looking for a quick dinner idea for tonight so here it is. This is my family recipe and it has a bit of history behind it! My mom immigrated from South America and when she got here everyone thought because she spoke Spanish she should be able to make burritos🤦🏾‍♀️

Nope! She had never even seen a tortilla in her life! However, instead of screaming, she figured out how to turn this misunderstanding about her culture into a positive!

Mom hated to cook but she was the most amazing cook ever! She really did a great job at it and even though she didn’t like thinking of new things every night she came up with some incredible dishes. Since she passed in 2008 and I have tried to remember most of her recipes and re-create her deliciousness for many to enjoy!

For this recipe here is your grocery list:

1 pound of ground beef

1 onion

1 pack of burrito flour tortillas

1 large container of sour cream

1 can of tomato sauce

1 can of refried beans

1 package of shredded Colby jack cheese (or your choice)

1 small can of black olives (optional)

( Spices include salt, garlic powder, and chili powder)

First, we are going to cut the onion in half and dice it into small pieces.
Second, go ahead and sweat the onion. Put them in a pan with a little oil (your choice) I like to use coconut oil. Cook them until they look a little clear and browned a bit.
Brown the ground beef into the pan with the onions and add salt and garlic powder. This is going to be a personal preference on how much you want, so taste as you go.
When the ground beef is cooked all the way add the can of tomato sauce and refried beans.
Make sure to mix it up really well. Add the chili powder. We aren’t spicy people so we don’t do too much again it’s your preference. Make sure you allow the mixture to cook for about 5/7 minutes or until bubbling. Mix so it doesn’t burn at the bottom.
Once the mixture is done it’s time to assemble.
Grab a tortilla put it in your hand and make a U with your hand and then put a scoop of filling, then one scoop of sour cream, and sprinkle some cheese on top of that. Then roll it up in a burrito. Continue doing all of these steps until all of the tortillas are filled. Place all of them in a glass Pyrex (Here are some of my favorites) in a row.
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees and bake the burritos for 15-20 minutes. Allow them to bubble and brown the tops.

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